Something has been off lately and I have not been able to pinpoint it until today when the tears started to come and trust me, I am not a crier! I have been uneasy, frustrated, angry and negative for weeks! I am sure you can image the slue of craziness that comes with these emotions! (Poor Husband, right?!) I am not this type of person. I am usually a very happy and positive lady! You may question… Hormonal? NO! I knew this was not hormonal as it has stuck around longer than a week and I couldn’t shake it. Almost like a cloud has been hovering over my every move! Something had got the best of me lately and I needed to get it out!
When those tears hit I finally figured it out! I have been holding in my stress, negativity and bitterness towards the business. How UGLY and no wonder I felt YUCK!
If any of you know me I am a head-down, get it done, competitive girl! This mentality has allowed me to earn my Doctorate and start a successful online business! But, I will 100% admit I feel alone from time to time. The head-down mentality can be isolating and the competitive side can drive me crazy. Not to mention I can come off as a bitch when in the zone! I have been so focused on everyone else and how I was going to be better and do better, that I lost my purpose and drive. This is an exhausting mentality and I knew better than this! I got caught up in the comparing and competing! I have grown frustrated and negative. (Which if any of you experience negativity it can be suffocating). There is a healthy balance, but I let it get the best of me and now here I am. Sitting on my computer, ugly crying about how drained I was!
As an NP and small business owner I am always focused on personal and professional growth, but I have allowed the professional growth to trump my personal! And that is why I have hit a funk! I allowed the business to spill over into ME! I have been so focused on improving and growing the business that I ignored the core component! I gradually forgot to take my time to grow, to develop me and improve myself! I forgot the business needs a happy operator! This goes for anyone who cares for and manages others- moms, entrepreneurs, spouses etc.
What a tough pill to swallow?! Waking up and realizing you need YOU! Defining yourself to a family, business, job or spouse is a struggle! We need to nourish our core! Take time to enjoy life! Stop worrying what others think or need from time to time and invest in you!! Today the tears were what I needed! To refocus myself! To clear the negativity and embrace all that is positive. To allow my time to grow to help my business and others!
Here are three things I vow to do:
1. Meditate each morning and write in a journal
2. GO to the gym and put down my phone. Disconnect and have ME time
3. Work on helping others and not comparing others!